You are more powerful than you realize. Your value is without question the very essence of what makes you unique.
Occasionally, some doubt what they can bring to the table; but it’s not your fault. It has everything to do with your actual experiences in life, the things you’ve been exposed to, and the messages or information that have been ingested into your mind. These things help detemine the actions you take in life and how your respond to situations… sometimes causing you to respond negativley instead of positively.
Without a doubt, what you think about you move towards. I have come up with 10 things for you to stop so you can live a more purpose-filled and fulfilling life.
1) Stop making excuses for everything
It’s normal to make excuses for not doing things you said you would do. For instance, like when you make a New Year’s resolution or are on a diet trying to lose weight. Oftentimes, you may start off on track but then fall off and that’s fine; what becomes the problem is when you continually make excuses for letting everything in your life fall short because you tell yourself:
- I’m afraid… what if I fail?
- I don’t believe good things happen for people like me
- I don’t have the money
- I can’t change. What you see is what you get.
- I don’t have the time
- What if no one likes me
- I’m just not ready
Excuses are a defense mechanism for fear, or insecurities which often stems from fear. It is imperative that you change the narrative from the negative thinking to words of power. In the Christian faith, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13),” is a go to bible verse for inspiration to push pass fear. That being said, it is absolutely necessary for you to find what pushes you pass your fears and insecurities, and use it. By doing this, it will help to eliminate a lot of your excuses.
2) Stop being a drop box for other people’s problems
Many people become a cushion or a drainage site for other people to dump their problems on them. When will it stop? So many times, we allow people to release their problems on us, which then makes their problems become our problem.
Enough with being a drop box. It is important for you to set boundaries that shield you from taking on other people’s problems. Try these:
- Create a list of things you will not allow from people that infringes on your peace. Your peace protects your mind and spirit. Hold onto it.
- Draw a line with people who “constantly” bring you sour or negative news about issues that don’t matter. If you feel yourself taking on the pressures and problems of others, it’s time to let it go. It is not your cross to bear.
- Be firm in your decision and stick with your list. There is nothing wrong with freeing yourself from the burdens of other people’s problems.
3) Stop allowing other people to control your life
The worst thing in the world is when you lose your own thoughts, words, and actions because someone else has figured out a way to manipulate you. I’ll call it, “The puppet on a string syndrome.” Your life is not yours anymore.
In the beginning, they will build you up with good thoughts, hopes, kind words, and the pie in the sky mentality… making promises that bring you joy, love, and happiness; while at the same time, they are strategizing ways to take it all from you at the right time, and they do.
By the time you realize what’s happened, you are caught up in their web of deceit and entrapment. You my friend have become their puppet. For example, this can happen in a male, female, or business relationship. Here are some things that can assist you with maintaining control of your life:
- Always be aware of your wants and needs… provide them yourself. You don’t need another person to be your “supplier.” The person who contributes the most has the most power. Keep your power. Keep your independence.
- Stick with your gut about your decisions. Never forget your thoughts and words are valid and important. Your gut is a defense tool and is there to protect you from harm. Believe what you feel and think. Follow your gut and remove yourself from toxic situations.
- Never allow anyone to buy you. With this one, I must confess there are some good people who give in these instances. But what I’m referring to are the people who marry for money and it’s simply for the money. There is no love or connection. In this case, ask yourself, “What am I giving up?” Yes, you can afford the nicer things in life, and that’s cool, but what does it cost you? Is losing your sanity and happiness really worth it?
- Always remember, when someone shows you who they are in the beginning… believe them. A person will always give you signs, knowingly or unknowingly, you have to pay attention. In some cases, a person can camouflage who they really are, but the minute they slip up and rear their ugly head, you have to heed the warning. Like in a chess game, the next move is yours and what you do will determine whether you become that puppet I talked about.
4) Stop procrastinating
This is a biggie for a lot of people. It’s so easy to put things off because we have a lot going on in our lives… multi-tasking. I can relate to this one. In fact, I’m a work in progress. I find myself being on track, then a distraction comes along and I get side-tracked.
The one thing I intended to do gets pushed down my to-do-list and I turn to another thing. I had a friend tell me once, focus on one thing at a time… do that well, then move on. When we are all over the place, we become a juggler of confusion and unfinished business. We waste time, never really getting back to the task in a timely manner. But there is hope. Try these things:
- Write down your list of things to do
- Prioritize the list
- Section off a time for each task and only do that one thing… block out all else (phone calls, internet, social media, TV, anything that creeps in and steals precious segments of your time). It’s better to complete one task thoroughly then to have a whole lot of things unfinished.
5) Stop expecting people to understand you
Okay, so let’s drill this in your head. People don’t have to understand you. I can go a step further. They don’t even have to like you. It’s important you don’t live your life expecting people to “get” you. If you do, you will set yourself up for disappointment and heartaches. The best thing you can do is to really, really get to know and understand you… inside and out; what makes you tick. The moment you do that, you will begin to understand what others think of you is not your business.
6) Stop blaming other people for your problems
You must understand your problems stem from the choices you’ve made in your life. Problems are connected to situations. Situations are connected to people. People create situations that cause problems in their lives. Of course, there are problems or situations out of your control like accidents and health issues. But for the sake of this step, we are talking about things within your control.
With that said, every choice has variables that will have an impact on the outcomes you experience. Nobody is responsible for the things that happen to you without you first being the person that allowed it.
If you want a different outcome, you have to change the scenario. If you go back to that chess game I mentioned, every move you make has a direct impact on whether you will win or lose. The same holds true in your life, no one is responsible for the problems you have but you because of the choices you made leading up to them. These will help you take responsibility:
- Admit the problem
- Acknowledge your fault in it
- Fix it and move on
7) Stop waiting for the right time
Have you ever wanted to do something and said to yourself, “I have to get my situation together first, or I have to wait until I save more money.” There are many responses like these that hinder people from going to the next level in their lives.
The truth is it will seldom be the right time. The problem with this is that it creates a belief that you are not worth prioritizing yourself. For example, a person wants to go back to school but they have to work and take care of the kids, and they’ll say, “Maybe when the kids get older, I’ll go back.” Then, years go by and they never go back to get that degree. In their mind, it was never the right time. When all they had to do was make the decision, and just do it. Most times, things will usually work themselves out when you go for it.
It is vital that we decipher the things important in our lives, because as you know, time is valuable and you are not promised tomorrow. So, make a schedule and stick to it…you can do it! Many people have overcome the task of raising children and going to school. Every chance you get, you should be willing to create the time you need, to be the person you want to be, and that moves you closer to your goals and dreams.
8) Stop complaining
Actions and results don’t come when you complain. When you complain, it comes from a place of negativity, doubt, and fear. In fact, complaining can disrupt the synergy of the people around you. You should always come from a place of positivity.
If you are a persistent complainer to others and feel yourself wanting to complain, I have a good thing you should try. Pull out a voice recorder to tape your complaints. After you finish recording it, play it back. How did it make your feel? Be honest. This is what you bring upon other people when you continually complain to them. If you feel yourself wanting to complain to someone, do these:
- Walk away, and reset yourself and your energy
- Change your thoughts to something that makes you feel good
- Find a way to talk without bringing down the positive vibes of those around you
9) Stop comparing yourself to others
We are all different. In fact, even if we tried, we could never be exactly like someone else. God made each of us uniquely different… from the top of our head to the bottom of our feet, even down to the strands of hair on our bodies. Our gifts and talents are different. Our experiences are different. Our wants and needs are different.
With that being the case, why do we try to be like other people or try to keep up with them? Hear me good… we can’t and we shouldn’t. The worst thing in the world is for you to lose everything about “you” trying to imitate someone else.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay for you to admire someone; but no matter what you do, understand… you can never be like them and they can never be like you. It’s important to note what’s for you is for you, and in the right time you will get yours. I have advice to help you when you start comparing yourself to others:
- Remember who you are and OWN IT
- Appreciate the differences. Find your own passion and follow it
- Figure out your purpose and strive for it every chance you get
- Develop skills and talents that help lead you to your goals and dreams
- Stay focused on what you have to offer and don’t stray away from it
- Have patience, keep learning, keep growing, and be ready when your time comes
- Take on an attitude of supporting and applauding others. That will take your mind off of comparing yourself to them.
10) Stop believing the lies people feed you
So often, people believe the lies told to them. Such as, the negative things some children have heard from their verbally abusive parents, teachers, and people who had influence in their lives. For instance, they would hear things like: you’re not good enough. You’re ugly. You’re dumb. You’re a loser. You don’t belong here. You don’t deserve this. You’ll never amount to nothing. You’re not worth it. And the list goes on. The bad part is that many children start to believe it, often leading to a life of self-doubt during their adulthood.
The great thing is that none of you have to believe the lies. Here are some things you can do to break free from the negative influences cast upon your psyche by others:
- Write down a list of all the great things about yourself. Now create a one sentence mantra picking words from your list. Recite the mantra to yourself in the mirror daily. Be sure to look directly into your eyes.
- Practice saying things you are thankful for daily
- Eliminate negative self-talk and negative people (stay around positivity)
- Forgive your offenders. It is not necessary to tell them personally but forgive them out loud for you. This is to clear you of bad feelings.
- Find positive tapes, books, and motivational speakers to listen to and really soak in what you hear. If you connect to any, be sure to listen to it often.
- For 30 days straight, write down a different reason why you love yourself. At the end of the 30 days, pool them all together, then read how magnificent you are. Don’t let other people’s opinions and thoughts come between that. When in doubt, pull this paper out and read it over and over, for however long it takes for you to really believe it. Never forget you are worth it!
After reading this and applying the steps, you will come to a better place in the understanding of just how valuable and powerful you are. Embrace your power and use it towards living your best possible life.