After 40 Dating Foolery – Comedienne Style

When we get to the age of 40, something seems to magically happen. We wake up on our 40th birthday, and just like clock work, our eyes are a little blurred. We try to read something and find ourselves holding the paper or book further away in order to see it. Then we find our weight kinda shifting or redirecting where it lands. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. But no matter what you do, the weight appears to have a mind of it’s own and it’s harder to get it off. So, we start walking or join an exercise program, all with the hopes of trying to hide the truth — our body has changed because our metabolism has slowed down. Oh, and then we ask ourselves, “Will men notice me now?” Until, we come to the conclusion, I am who I am, so we accept and get use to our new body and our new outlook on life. Thinking back, there was a time when you would wonder and care about what other people thought about you; and now over 40, you could care less what they think. And right at that time is when you get liberated. But then, you notice you don’t get the same attention like you used to from men, so you start questioning yourself, your looks and your beauty. Well, I’m here to tell you that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, so hold your head up, keep your smile and enjoy your life after 40. As you date, remember, it’s not you it’s them….the MEN (Haha). Sit back and let Comedienne Carla Simpson relax your mind about dating and make you laugh in the process, as you read her article. Enjoy!

 

Comedienne/Actress Carla Simpson a.k.a. Crazy Carla has been doing stand-up comedy for 10 years now, and in the past few years, she has added acting to her resume. Carla lives in Winston-Salem, NC, and is the proud mother of four children and “Suga Mama” to eight. Carla loves performing, whether it is comedy, acting, or spoken word. She has been featured in many acting roles from web movies, a YouTube series, to stage plays. They are as follows:

    • YouTube Series – “The Great Come Up”
    • YouTube movie – “The Cure for Kyle”
    • “Her Story, His Truth” – the stage play
    • “A Couple of Forevers…Or Not” – the stage play
    • “Front Pew Abuse” – a stage play, which was based upon the book by Mary Carlton.
    • Been the voice of Bobbi in “A Cold World.”

She thanks God for the gifts He has given her to be able to bring entertainment to the masses. Look for her in many more projects to come. She believes laughter is good medicine and believes in spreading sunshine.

Submitted By: Carla Simpson

Salutations Earthlings! My name is Carla and I am a 45 year old self-declared love JUNKIE! But I have discovered… well… Chile, I am TIRED, and I just do NOT have the PATIENCE for this New Age after 40 DATING FOOLERY!

Let me explain. Once upon a time, I was a married woman who had been with the same man for 17 years, had 4 kids, a great job, a mortgage, and MINIMAL stretch marks. And THEN… the bottom LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY fell out, and I found myself separated with kids, laid off from my job of 14 years in Corporate America, and the transmission went out on the car that I had 2 payments left on, and they nicely REPOSSESSED it when I PAID to get the transmission fixed vs making the car payment; so, I went from being a DRIVER to a BUS RIDER… in that order. And on top of all of that, I found myself once again single to mingle, and oh what FUN that turned out to be!!! NOT!

So, at the age of 38, I found myself divorced and back on “the market,” which was a bunch of crap because NOBODY told me how the game had changed! Nobody told me that all of the men I would encounter in said market would:

A) Want a Mama vs. a Woman

B) Feel the need not to work

C) Only want to Netflix and CHILL, and

D) Be missing their teeth. Like in record numbers.

Bayyyybeee! What happened to everybody’s teeth?! Sigh. So, I found myself in the land of The Single with Kids and LOST… AND THEN, I TURNED 40 and the grits REALLY hit the fan! I found myself, not only single, but 40, with now two kids at home, still on the bus, and looking for a job. Oh yeah… I forgot to mention, it took me almost TWO YEARS to find another FULL TIME job. I survived by working part time at a retail store, I started my own catering business, and I was doing comedy gigs whenever I could; and my teenagers were making me wonder why I ever thought giving birth was a good idea, and on top of ALLLL of that, I was trying to date the OCCASIONAL Willie and Raekwan, in between! Lol! In retrospect, I was LITERALLY living off of fumes and Jesus! It was NO JOKE! But between God, My Mommy, My Sister, My Brother, My TRIBE (they know who they are), and my church family…. I made it!

Dating in your 40’s with teenagers is not for the faint of heart. They THINK they are the parents and that YOU are the child. And you have to have a ”Come to Jesus Meeting” with them at least ONCE a week per child to remind them that YOU have the stretch marks!! YOU pay the bills!! YOU don’t tell me who I can go to IHOP with at 10 in the morning in BROAD OPEN DAYLIGHT, Liddle (yes liddle) Girl and Boy!! I AM THE MAMA!! And if I want to be a Thotpocket out here in these over 40 dating streets, I can be!!!  But. I digress. Back to the point. Dating over 40 has been hard. And I am not feeling it. It is enough to make you want to throw up your hands and say JUST FORGET IT!! I just get so depressed, I go on shoe shopping sprees for fabulous shoes that I want, but don’t need.

I have found that in your 40’s, you are stuck between Willie and Raekwan. Meaning… you are at the age where you can date guys old enough to be your Uncle or MAYBE even your Daddy, and who are young enough to be your little brother or your Son. (Cougar Alert, but we will come back to that). There is a fine line to be crossed on both ends. Like, I mean these older dudes seem to be going through a mid-life crisis or are just coming out of one!! They just want a woman who can rub a little Ben Gay on them from time to time, cook them something, listen to their “back in my days” exploits, and be able to deal with what I call the BAD GAS that EVERY man over 45 seems to have. Or Acid Reflux. And need I mention the dentures, and partials, and bridges that seem to magically appear in the bathrooms. On the counter. Or on the backs of toilets. In cups. Ewwww. UGGGGH!!

And Raekwan. He wants to be mothered, smothered and covered, has 10 baby mamas, none of which he has bothered to marry. He lives with his Grandma, and his life’s ambition is to be a Rapper. He loves to text you WYD!!? all times of the day and night, and he is closer in age to your kids than you. Chile. I can’t. Sigh.

I dated a guy who was married and he neglected to tell me until almost a YEAR later, one who was GAY and in denial about being gay, A CHURCH HOE (that is a whole nother article), A Mama’s boy who I dropped, and I am still friends with said Mama, A musician… or two or three, A man old enough to be my Daddy, and a Dude young enough to LITERALLY be my son, if I had had a kid at 20. And I use the term “Date“ loosely because out of all of these men, I was MAYBE taken out somewhere between this ENTIRE list of individuals a total of 6 times. “Shrugs” You DATE. You learn.

Did I tell ya’ll I was TIRED!?

So, here I am in year 45. Still single. The kids are gone. I am somebody’s GRANDMOTHER now; although, they are NOT allowed to call me THAT. My name is Suga. For all the right reasons. And I am like… Loooka here now God, I‘m cute. I got all my teeth in my mouth. I have my right mind. I work. I smell good. I can cook. I LOVE YOU (God), where my man at !?!?

***CRICKETS***

NO answer yet, but I realized this… I am still here. I made it. I can look in the mirror and say GIRL, YOU DID IT!! You didn’t FOLD!! You still living your best life! I realized that looks really don’t matter as much as they used to, and that age REALLY ain’t nothing but a number when it comes to Maturity; and Sex and intimacy really are TWO different things. You might get a little lonely sometimes, but it’s okay. I laugh when I need to laugh… I cry when I need to cry… I sit still when I need to sit still. I move when I need to move… And I still have HOPE that even though it is SLIM pickings out there… HE is out there. Somewhere. He probably got mothballs in his closet or he just graduating college with my luck… and until our worlds collide… I will just keep on pushing one laugh at a time, one fabulous pair of shoes at a time, and keep my head up, as I continue to navigate this New Age After 40 Dating Foolery scene.

My advice to you:

Don’t settle! When it comes to dating in general, and ESPECIALLY, when you are over 40. Don’t settle! You have been through too much WHATEVER to NOT get WHO and WHAT you want in life. Especially, a man! You have waited all this time… you can keep on waiting for THE RIGHT one. I’m just saying! But until he does come… LIVE OUT LOUD AND HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE!

UPCOMING EVENTS

    • Funny and Saved Gospel Comedy Show. See details in flyer.

    • Will star in Not My Brother’s Keeper” – the stage play by Tracy Whitlock in Greensboro, NC in June 2019
    • Will be featured in an audio soap opera set to air – summer 2019
    • Will star in “The Bridge” – A Web Drama by Brandon Bias Productions due in 2019
    • Will star in “Side Dudes, Inc.” – A Web Series produced by Comedian Ampston Hews set for release summer 2019

CONTACT INFO:

*** Oh! Lol! My Facebook is Carla Simpson.  https://bit.ly/2H4F6N3

Instagram – known as aahfro10.  https://bit.ly/2PT9AV6  

Twitter – known as aahfro10 https://bit.ly/2H2RkWl  

My website is under construction.

YouTube under Crazy Carla, my stage name https://bit.ly/2VfDXLb

*** My last two movies, A Cure For Kyle and Christmad With The Mckinney’s” are on the 4ever Jones Productions YouTube Channel. Basically ANYTHING I do, I post on Facebook and Instagram.


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