Women to Women… A Conversation

By: Debbie Stokes

Recently, I watched a video that triggered a question in my mind. Why don’t women support each other? Why do we leave each other out to fight alone? These questions resonated so deep in my soul that I felt compelled to write about it. As a matter of fact, not only did I want to write about it, I wanted to start a conversation to hear different perspectives of why women turn away from their sisters, and I’m not talking about blood sisters.

Let’s go deeper, why don’t you support your sister? The “You” is the person reading this article right now. 

Be honest, how many times have you turned away from a women simply asking for support that wouldn’t have cost you a dime? 

Since the beginning of time, God created women to be a helpmate, to nurture, and to support. And for the most part, we do for our families and friends. Yet, when it comes to other women, we turn a blind eye to one another. Again, I ask “Why?” 

Being an only girl with three brothers, I learned a lot about women, and I struggled with understanding why women act the way they do when it comes to supporting each other. In fact, it goes back to my feelings when I was younger. What I believe is that some women don’t help each other for these reasons:

  • Some don’t want another to surpass them
  • Some don’t help because they are jealous for whatever reason
  • Some don’t help because they refuse to give of themselves
  • Some don’t know how to relate to others so they avoid them
  • Some refuse to relate to others outside of their comfort zone
  • For some, it’s all about building themselves up 
  • Some simply don’t care or just choose not to help

You may wonder, what do I mean by support. Well, I’m talking about supporting your sister with your love, deeds, words, and in some instances, it may be your money. Now, let me make it clear… money is not what I’m focusing on here because everyone can’t provide funds. But it boggles my mind, how women won’t do the smallest things for each other: like speak, encourage, honor, show up for, be kind to or be open to help when asked, as in a favor. Which category do you fall in? However, don’t get me wrong, there are some women who will give of themselves freely and without reservations. It is for this reason, I want to take this time to applaud you wholeheartedly, and say thanks for being the women you are. You’re the best! Now, back to the other women.

Is it really that hard to support each other? Is it that hard to give of yourself?

I know there are some who would answer the above questions with:

  • I don’t know her well enough.
  • She doesn’t respond to me the way I would prefer.
  • What has she done for me?
  • Why should I or something to that effect?

Remember – You are not judged by what you do in your eyes… you are judged by what you don’t do in God’s eyesSo question, who have you helped? 

marriage quotes philippians 2 4 intentionally refined

My 3 words of advice to those who don’t give support:

  • Learn to love women pass YOU, so the love can be magnified in God’s eyes.
  • Provide encouragement, help or give advice whenever you can. If you don’t get it back, remember it’s not about what they do, but what you do. God wants us to be givers.
  • Try to understand and contribute to a purpose outside of yours because that’s when you truly begin to share or give of yourself. In doing so, blessings will rain on you. Keeping in mind, many positive things can happen when you tear down the walls you have built to keep people out. In fact, you’ll never know from where you will gain more friends or connections unless your open your heart and mind to what’s possible. So, let go and see how women relationships can blossom in your life. Please show me that all the frustration I was feeling when I wrote this article is just in my head, and not true.

The Challenge

Our challenge to you for 30 days: 1) Make contact with at least one woman you don’t know per day and support her using your talents, actions, words or time. 2) Start a simple conversation with her via social media or as you go about your day. The object is to do one or some of the following: to get to know something about her, to give words of encouragement, to collaborate, to speak, to offer useful information to her or to gain information. Challenge dates 2/11 – 3/11.

** To join the challenge, click this link https://bit.ly/2MYZLDn and sign into the post on Facebook.  

We’re asking just one small favor, #participate and show us you are in agreement with supporting women.

 

 

6 thoughts on “Women to Women… A Conversation”

  1. I’m joining the challenge. Thoughtout my life the woman I’ve been draw to are my sisteinlaws and a few friends. I remember years ago a new employee was hired at the company where I used to work. I started inviting her to go to lunch and talking to her about things to do in Baltimore. She had moved here from Charlotte NC. She final told me one day that she thought I was boojie. But once she got to know she realized the first impression was wrong, to this day we are the best of friends.

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    1. Hi Norma,

      Thanks for agreeing to join the challenge and for commenting. Push the link at the end of the challenge article and it will take you to the challenge post, then just type “join” in the comment section. Once you do that, just start contacting and communicating with one women a day to either: empower, encourage, educate or to make laugh, and remember to have fun. Your support is appreciated!

      Sometimes, a women’s sister and family are all they have, with the exception of a few good friends like you said,if they are lucky. So, it’s important to value true friendship, and I’m not just talking about in words, I’m talking about being an anchor when a woman feels weak, being a shoulder when she needs to cry, being an ear when she needs to listen and being a voice when she needs to hear. It’s easy for another women to call a woman her friend from her mouth, but the truth is, does she show it in her actions. It is in their actions where true friendship grows.

      There are times when we find ourselves reaching out to another women for whatever reason and their response is not what we expected, and that’s okay because women have to let down their walls, and learn to not be so judgmental, but to be more giving. When we bond as women, our lives are so much better off. When you find true women friends, make sure you stay connected, tell and show them often how much they mean to you, and expect the same in return. Remember, the bond should go both ways. Thanks Norma, for responding and we look forward to you reading and commenting more on upcoming articles. And please don’t for get to share our post every Monday. Thanks so much!

      Be Blessed!
      Debbie & Rhonda

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  2. Thank you for this post. It is very well said and thought provoking.

    I believe you hit the nail on the head with the various reasons you mentioned on why a woman might not reach out to another woman. The only other reason that comes to mind is that some women are introverts, and the thought of putting themselves “out there” can be overwhelming. Especially if they have been rejected in the past.

    You hit on a lot of good points throughout the post. But one that I particularly appreciate is the reminder that we are responsible for our own actions. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Bridget,

      Thanks so much for reading our post and responding. Being new at blogging, we need all he help we can get with readership and with people subscribing to our blog. And yes, I agree with you about an introvert because for a long while growing up, I was one. My state of being an introvert was because I was extremely shy and that kept me from reaching out to people, that’s why this challenge was so important to me. The truth be told, I am still somewhat shy, but I have learned to open my mouth in order to connect with people, and the worst thing in the world is when I muster up enough nerve to say something and I get ignored by that person… so frustrating. So, I can understand someone’s fear of rejection. In fact, that’s major. Thanks for pointing that out.

      And yes, it is so true how the responsibility for our actions begin and end with us. It is one thing to say something, but it is another thing to follow through with our actions, especially when it comes time to give of ourselves.

      We enjoyed reading your comment. Thanks for your reply. We are looking forward to more of your comments, and thanks for subscribing.

      Have a good day!
      Debbie and Rhonda

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I was raised that the smallest things could meant a lot to someone and its not always about money…
    A kind encouraging word or even a simple hello with a 😊 could brighten and enlighten someones day.
    I am my sister’s keeper!!!!!
    I treat my sisters (people period) the way that I WANT to be treated and although I may not get the same in return, I’m going to still follow my heart and helping instinct, it’s just in my nature !!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Maria516,

      Thanks so much for responding. You are right, money is the least way to connect and support another women… sister… friend. It sometimes takes the smallest thing you do that can impact someone’s like that may be going through something. It is for that reason, I always try to offer smiles and encouragement. Another thing it takes is compassion to step outside of yourself in order to uplift, inspire or encourage another. And when you think about, so many women close the door when it comes time to offer help. Good for you for being your sister’s keeper!! We need more women like you who are giving and understanding, without judgement. Bravo to you for treating people the way you want to be treated, and understanding that you may not get it back, yet you can live with that. What strength! Please continue to read and share our post.

      Thanks for your comments!
      Debbie & Rhonda

      Like

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