By: Rhonda Jackson
A few days ago while driving to work, I was listening to a song by Whitney Houston, “Greatest Love of All.” It stuck in my mind the entire day, and I wondered how many women truly love themselves. Has this ever crossed your mind? Surely, it has.
As a single woman who was married for 10 years, I had experienced many things, but most importantly, I had learned something about myself. I didn’t like nor did I love me! When I think about it, my divorce left me feeling like a worthless failure, and I can honestly say, I thought I wouldn’t recover.
With that said, I had thought of myself as unattractive despite receiving attention from men that should have boosted my EGO to the moon. Whenever socializing with family or friends, I would wear my “beautiful face,” although inward, I felt like the “ugly duckling.” This petite-figured woman hungered for reassurance from others, and it lasted for quite some time. But eventually, I grew tired of the struggle.
As I think back, I’m saddened at how I would hide from myself by using my time to take care of other people, in an attempt to cover my insecurities. For instance, I would often neglect the things I wanted to do, and instead did for others to add further to my low self-esteem. You know, we can lose ourselves when we are present for everybody else, but not ourselves. Just thinking about it, that is a time I wouldn’t want to return to, although, I’m grateful to have experienced it. It made me stronger. The reason I say that is because if I had not gone through it, I would not be who I am today. Thank God, I am now stronger.
Today, I am extremely proud to say, I love me, which I could have never said without enduring the pain and heartache of my past. Don’t get me wrong, there were some good times and blessings along the way, but my road to healing and being happy after divorce was a process, and a major learning curve. Trust me, I know from experience that it takes growth and understanding to relate to the verse in Whitney’s song, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” Below, I’ll share 5 tips that have helped me along my road to happiness after divorce, and I hope they will help you. I’m not saying these are the only ways to get through it, but these tips are what worked for me.
1). Love yourself – You have to understand and value who you are from the inside out. It’s not enough to say it, you have to know it and show it by treating yourself better, and with dignity. Thereby, you learn to honor and respect your very being and your uniqueness. Only then, will you begin to love yourself on the outside, as you are displayed to the world.
2). Let go of anger from past relationships – You have to know that it’s okay to be angry because of what someone did or said in the past, but you have to let it go. In addition, monitor your actions to maintain a peace of mind. Just know, as long as you hold on to animosity and resentment, you are out of control, and they win. You have to learn to forgive them in order for you to heal. Only then, will you be set free and able to really move on. Keep in mind, this particular step goes for anyone that you have felt anger towards, whether it involves a previous relationship, family, friends or any other person you have encountered along the way. The important thing is to never forget the lessons you have learned from the experience and move on, so you can get your life back.
3). Do things that make you happy – The best way to take your mind off your problems is to focus on something else. As the saying goes, “mind over matter.” Understand that you are strong and powerful, and you owe it to yourself to be happy. This is a great time to make a “to do list.” Be sure to work on completing the tasks, one-by-one, that bring you joy. As you gain personal fulfillment, you will begin to feel happiness on the inside.
4). Focus on positive things and people – The worst thing you can do is to dwell on negative things or people. If you think about it, negativity begets negativity. The things you should focus on are the things that help build you up and not tear you down. For starters, find yourself at least 2 strong-minded, positive people you can talk to often, and watch how your life will begin to change. There is power in positivity. Word of advice, whenever people come to bring negative information, situations or vibes, kindly remove yourself from them.
5). Develop a prayer life – For me, prayer is what got me through. No one else knew what I was experiencing, but God. He eased my heart, mind and spirit. Believe me, He pays attention and listens to you when no one else will. He cares! Talking with Him provides peace, and will help to protect your sanity in the middle of confusion. My advice to you through the divorce process and in your life after divorce is the following: When you feel like your heart is heavy… pray for comfort. When you feel burdened… pray for strength. When you feel broken… pray for healing. When you feel confusion… pray for peace. When you feel lost… pray for guidance. When you feel like you’ve done all you can do… pray for Jesus to take the wheel. And, if you don’t know Him… pray to be saved so you can develop a relationship with Him. Just remember, He will work it out on your behalf. Now, there are some key things you have to do in order to receive it. You have to have faith and believe He can and will work it out, and you have to consistently pray. I guarantee, if you do these things, you will see a difference in yourself and your life. Best wishes to you! Please like, comment and share this post. When you share it, please be sure to tag us, so we can personally thank you.
If you have experienced a divorce, let us know some things that have helped you get through it, in the comment section below. Your response could possibly help other women.
Thanks for your participation and support.